Jump in the sack with Cherie! Ohp! I mean, could you be Cherie's soulmate for life?

1) First off, you'll have to meet her. You're on your way to get tested for STD's at the local health clinic, and you see Cherie next door at the Wienerschnitzel. She looks amazing as she crams an entire Chili Cheese Dog into her gaping mouth. You're speechless. I mean, this woman's got skills! You catch her eye, smile, and swoop in for the kill. What do you say?
a) "Hey, I'm on my way into the health clinic to get tested for STD's. Do you wanna go for some ice cream after I'm done?"
b) "Hey, I've got a hot dog bigger than that one that I'd love you to swallow..."
c) "Geez, you look familiar... aren't you Kitana Jade? I jerk off to your pictures all the time! Man, I'm having such a good day..."
d) "You know, hot dogs are comprised of mostly pigs' asses and lips. Isn't that cool?"
e) "You've got the most amazing smile, even with the Chili Cheese oozing off of your chin. Here, let me get that for you..."

2) So maybe you bombed on the pick-up line... Cherie's pretty easy though, and she agreed to a date with you regardless. So you call her up, and after being badgered by her roommate, she gets on the phone. She sounds pretty ornery, and is being indecisive. She concludes that if you want to go out on a date with her, you need to choose the destination. Bitch! You decide that it'd be best if you:
a) Take her to your Mom's for bondage night. Mom loves fresh meat, and Cherie would look lovely tied up and ball-gagged next to your last four girlfriends.
b) Have her meet you at the local truckers' rest stop. Nothin' like some sweaty man sex to impress a new girl, right?
c) Come over to her house unexpectedly to surprise her in an elephant thong with "I'm Too Sexy" rocking out on your boombox. When she opens the door, you plan on tackling her into her couch and doing a mad strip dance for her and her roommate.
d) Send your best friend out with her first to do the dirty work. Hopefully, he can get into her pants to let you know if she's even worth the trouble. If he says it was good, then you plan the date. If not, then he can have her. Times are hard, and beyotches can't be spending mah cash money! Besides, she gets a lay out of it, so she shouldn't start her yappin'.
e) Plan a normal night out. Take her to a quaint restaurant, and to see a nice movie. You're sure she's had enough of the Hollywood wine and dine program, so it wouldn't hurt to be normal for a change. Besides that, you don't know anyone that could hook you up with good reservations at the hip spots in LA. Just make it seem like you're being "different" than every other LA guy that she's probably gone out with already to score some major Na Na points...

3) Ok, so maybe the date didn't impress her much, because there wasn't much of a reaction there. Either that or her valium just kicked in. Whatever the case, she hasn't said much all night. You're thinking," Is this bitch really that shy or is she just mocking me?" You decide to call it a night. You take her back home, and she opens up to you in the car as you're saying your goodbyes. You say:
a) "F*ck, finally bitch. I mean, I was beginning to think that I wasn't gonna get any dome tonight!"
b) "You know, you're such a quiet girl. It's kinda strange, but now that you've begun to talk a little more, I'm noticing how much you sound like a man. Has anyone ever told you that before? Don't take that the wrong way though. I spent a few years in prison if you know what I mean..."
c) "Do you think I could come inside for a couple of minutes. Don't worry, I don't want to try anything with you... I just wanted to use your bathroom because I think I got the runs from the nachos that I ate before I picked you up."
d) "Wow. You're really sexy when you talk. You know, you really remind me so much of my cousin Sally Jo. Sally Jo... What a woman..."
e) "This night has been so incredible. I feel like we really connected. I don't want to ruin the night by trying to put the moves on you, especially if you don't reciprocate. I'll just end it with a kiss on your lovely hand. Well, unless you want to end it by having wild contortionist sex all night long? No? Oh, ok. Well, goodnight then."

4) So day three rolls around, and you decide to call her up again for a second date. We all have to follow that three day rule, right? Anyway, so you go out with her again, and still no luck with getting the ol' muff. Date 3 rolls around, then date 4, then 5, etc. You're thinking ," WTF! What is this beyotch's deal anyway? I mean, is she gonna give it up already or is she still going to push that 'I'm a good girl' story forever? F*ck, it's all good if she doesn't want to drop the panties, but at least stroke it for me a couple of times to let a guy know you're interested, right?" So it's been about 2 months that you've gone on with dating Cherie, and screwing your ex in the meantime. You decide that:
a) This beyotch ain't worth another month. Tell her if she don't put out, then get out 'cause this bitch ain't gon' ride for free!
b) It'll be cool to wait another month or so. Palmela has been good to you, no need to replace her just yet. Besides that, no one does you as well as Palmela does.
c) Send in your best friend again. That playa gets the hairy clam like no other can! Way to go, Billy Bob! Once he gets her in the sack and ready to go, pull the ol' switcheroo that you used to in college and voila! You've slept with Cherie, and she doesn't even know it. Mission accomplished! Just make sure to sneak back out before the sun comes up!
d) Spying on her would be the best option. Send a private investigator to make sure that she's not gettin' it on with the milkman. It's all good as long as you're both not getting laid, right? Oh yeah, you are getting that awesome action from the crackhead whore that lives across the way from Cherie. So it's all good!
e) It'd be best to wait for her. She's totally worth it! And even if she's not, you just wasted 2 months waiting for it. Anything is going to feel good if you've waited that long.

5) So it finally happens. You got the poontang. And you're totally pussy-whooped. All of your friends begin to call you a sell-out, and she's snappin' the whip more often than you dream of the Victoria's Secret models having a huge orgyfest with you. Eventually, you lose your identity altogether and people start referring to you as "Cherie's boyfriend". You finally cave into the pressures of dating and take the step of living with her. But where to?
a) The local crackhouse. Rent's free, drugs are easily accessible, and you can spend your time robbing the other crackheads instead of working. Cherie can deal. She's good at bartering anyway.
b) Your Mom's. Cherie will find the closest friend in the whole wide world in her, and then life would be perfect. The two women that you care about the most, sharing you, your home, and your bed. Bliss!
c) Move in with her. You have better things to do than work. Besides that, she's got a hot roommate. Maybe you'll strike gold and have a threesome one drunken night. Or maybe not.
d) Find a big house that you can share with all of your friends. That way, you can have your buddies around 24 7, and have her there to cook and clean. Your buddies love her anyway. She walks around the house in nothing but a thong most of the time, so you're sure the guys'll be so preoccupied with smackin' that ass that they'll forget about your portions of the rent. Way to go, genius! And they said that you were "slow"... what did they know!
e) Find a small house to settle into. She's always talked about wanting a little puppy, so nothing would make her happier than that. That way, when you're married and tied down with her in the future, the dog'll keep her company while you're out bangin' the secretary. Gotta think about the future, ya know?

6) So the oral and anal sex has finally paid off for her, and the big day has come when you finally decide to pop the big question. How do you do it?
a) Drug her up so she won't say no. Have her sign all of the papers before she passes out. Now you're entitled to everything! What?! She has nothing?! F*ck! Not again!
b) Send in the best friend. He's good at these types of things. Besides, she spends so much time with him that she even screams out his name during sex! What better person to have pop the question for you!? You'll probably even have him do the toast at the reception. What a buddy...
c) Visit your Mom's and have Cherie ask your Mom for your hand in marriage. Mom has to approve, ya know?!
d) Buy a ring pop, and propose to her jokingly. If she accepts, tell her that you'll get her a real ring later on after your big promotion at work. She'll never know that you don't really have a job. After you're married, you can just keep stalling about the ring.
e) After a nice night of pampering her royal highness, tie an engagement ring to the neck of Fluffy and have that damned dog deliver it to Cherie. Walk in with that sincere-looking grin, and wait on her response. When she says yes, swoop her into your arms for a kiss. Kick the dog while she's into the moment. You hate that f*ckin' dog.


7) So now you're married, and you have a few rugrats and a fluffy dog. Life has become hell, and you dread that day you met Cherie at the health clinic. You need to make a final decision for yourself. You:
a) Run away. If you flee with the savings and head to Mexico, they'll never find you. Viva Mexico!
b) File for divorce. This beyotch is cra-zy. She almost pulled a Lorena Bobbitt on you for finding out about your other 2 kids you had with the local crackhead. Drama! Who needs all that anyway.
c) Have another affair. Although all of the flings in the past proved to be hairy disasters, this one may be the one to help you through this marriage.
d) Move back in with your Mom. You missed her so much anyway. And you didn't have to pay any bills. F*ck Cherie and those pesky kids of hers. Who needs them anyway?! They can visit you once a month when your Mom goes out for Bingo.
e) Stick it out with her. She's been there for you all of these years, and you've got a beautiful family to show for it. And did I mention Cherie can give head like a Hoover? Man! Ya can't beat that!
So there's your life with Cherie in a nutshell. Click on the "F*ck Me!" button below to see if you could spend your life with Cherie.